「kairos」

you won’t find answers to anything at the bottom of the bottle.

then again, you’re just drinking the wrong bottle so drink till it’s the right one.

suck my dick, world.

Today will consist of:

• Work
• Read
• Journal
• Guitar

All I need in life, right? One of those days when you just wanna be invisible.

of my older brother in this house. Three of them are Army pictures and four are family photos.

I’ve counted, I noticed. I had lunch with my cousins and we talked, caught up and shit. They asked if I heard from him in the Army and to be honest, he hasn’t called in what can almost be an eternity. I remembered the his departure into the Army, I was six or so. I was more young and naive than I am now, he left. Walked out. Gone. Everything I listen to reminds me of him for some reason. Songs that makes me feel like shit, he’ll be there to tell me to keep my head up. Songs that will make me feel better just remind me of him and when he would kick it with me, teaching me how to draw and giving me talks not to be so down and depressed for what our dad did. I cried when he left, for a good three days I cried when I tried to sleep. I couldn’t. I wish I could end this paragraph with a good sentence, but frankly it didn’t go so well. He doesn’t call and as much as we know he’s still in the Army.

I shouldn’t miss him as much, but I do. I don’t know why, he was my oldest brother and he was the only person in the family that actually made me feel like I was worth something. Whenever I couldn’t sleep at night, I would go to his room and he’d smile and let me lay with him. We’d watch late night TV and whenever I waited for my mom to come home, he stayed up with me. He’s really the only person that let me have hope, really. Hope for anything, maybe people aren’t so bad, maybe things’ll pick up, that kinda hope. He made me obtain the ability to trust people, even when I didn’t trust myself. He made me make myself happy before I made others happy.

Fuck.

abcdefgabby:

jetset-radio:

abcdefgabby:

FOR THE HORDE!

FUCKYESSSSS

Blood Elf forevaaa<3

abcdefgabby:

FOR THE HORDE!

It was 6am in Azariah’s deathly cold basement. I woke up to the sound of Call of Duty 4 shooting and occasionally him screaming in Street Fighter 2HD. I got a call from my mom bitchin’ and shit, where I was and why. All that shit, then it somehow lead to her trying to compare me to my older brother, she doesn’t want me to turn out like him blah blah blah. Good move, Nancy and now you’ve pissed me off at 6am. I tell her that I’m still in school, doing college, getting work, and doing a film project and all while still managing good grades. I mean, I know it’s not much but shit man it’s all I can really do at Seventeen. But yeah, it’s 6am and I’m pissed off and cold. I have to piss and Azariah lives in hardcore Germantown so there’s some shit wrong with his bathroom, I piss in his motherfuckin’ sink. I also hit my head on something and start screaming and shit for like a good 3 minutes then I piss. After that I go back to sleep, ignore like 6 text messages or so I can’t really recall. But then I wake up again around 12pm. We were up for quite a bit yesternight and all over the city. From deep North East to gritty Germantown and all the way from 69th st. but it’s all good. After I wake up, I head out to what Azariah calls the “Caucasian Train” and that’s just the Regional Rail, really. Like the R8 and shit, not the subway but the actual train. I’ve never been on the suburban train, shit was nice haha. But then after that, I arrive at City Hall and just catch my trolley home. I walk home only to find I’m locked out, go fuckin’ figure I still have no keys. I walk to my cousins house and kick it there, help with his newborn, clean. Then my sister comes home and lets me and now I’m here. All to type this so nobody’ll read it, hahaha.

is just a fuckin’ recipe for a disastrous emotional night.

bullshiiiiiit, son.